"I don't know what corn stalks look like, so I'm just going to color it all yellow."
"Jesus spoke to me while I was drawing my poster."
"I don't like feeling other people's body heat."
"Pocahontas was beautiful!"
"Pocahontas was built like a piano mover."
"There's a ship, and it has a Dorito for a sail."
"Doritos are delicious, especially when they are sails!"
"There's land available. And if you're a redneck, you love land."
"Are you tired of those city folks who run you down with their buggies?"
"They were gentlemen. They were gentle, but they weren't men."
"When was peanut butter and jelly invented?
"They told me North Korea had unicorns, and I said they do because of all the nuclear testing they've been doing."
From a boy: "I know you are interested in my cleavage...you can't have it."
"I wonder how many squirrels have been in that tree?"
A student I have said he was going to come as Jesus for culture day. The next day, he came in, and he wasn't dressed up. Another student asked him where his Jesus outfit was. And he replied, serious as a heart attack, in the country-est accent I have ever heard, "My mama wouldn't let me leave the house looking like Jesus. She said that's sacrilegious."
